Normally I do not get many comments to this weblog. In fact, normally I don't get any comments. I am aware that this is because my many millions of readers are inhibited by my articulacy and wit from making their own remarks - lest they suffer by comparison - but sometimes this lack of feedback can leave me feeling, I have to say, like I am busking down a subway in Chernobyl.
Imagine, then, my glee when I discovered that I had got three new comments in one ten minute spell. Imagine also my feelings when I scrolled down to see what these comments actually were, and then read the following....
Here is the first comment. It was added to my very first blogpost, by 'Anonymous'.
'What the fuck is all this bullshit about? who the fuck is sean thomas. Is he a poor man's Toby Young or what? what a fucking loser. Who cares about any of this crap anyway. It's just depressing what people have become, especially that welsh rugby player, yayan evans
YAYAN!! DF118 YAYAN!!!'
Interesting, no? For some reason my blog has been linked to an institute for potty-mouthed retards. Curious.
'Anonymous' then added a second comment; it was appended to the picture of me in the Utah mountains. Regular readers will know this photo well. Here's that second comment:
'how could a ludicrous fuckwit like this parade the ulgiest face ever known to man about the internet like it's COOL or something. It's just frightening that a little known cornish novelist with what appears to be a mini-nodule is allowed out in public like this. This photo could be hazardous to children!
An intriguing choice of words here. 'Mini-nodule'? 'Little known Cornish novelist'? I feel I have heard these phrases before somewhere. Perhaps during my last visit to the West Hollywood Residential Home for Football-Faced, Snaggle-Toothed, Metallica-Guitarist-Haired Kike Scriptwriters.
The final comment made by Anonymous appeared under the photo of me and Claire. Here is that comment:
'who is the cunt in the hat? Is this an out-take from a Joboxers video? Pathetic.'
Enough already. There's not a lot you can say to someone whose idea of a vivid and timely analogy is to compare something with a 'Joboxers video'. Actually, though, there is something you can say, and that something is:
Zyklon B! Zyklon B! Zyklon BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Happy Christmas everyone, and may God bless us, one and all!