Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Jesus, why is Denmark so Fucking Boring??!!


As regular blog-readers will know, last weekend I was in Legoland, in Denmark, interviewing the 'children of the SS'. This was a fascinating and absorbing project, with intriguing historical ramifications, and it's something I want to explore in a forthcoming blogpost. Until then I have just one pertinent question: Jesus, how fucking boring is Denmark!??

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but it's true. Denmark is arse-numbingly dull. It makes Belgium look like Brazil. Denmark is just flat, dull, flat, and dull, with little twee houses and stupid farms and boring windmills and freezing dull towns and tiny cars and bus stops everywhere and more fields and flat heaths and windmills and houses. Oh yes, they have open sandwiches, too. And 17,000 recipes for herring. But that really is it. Fuck me. I thought my elbows were going to drop off with the monotony.

This is a shame, as I rather wanted to like Denmark. A eurosceptic country with cute blonde girls - it sounds funky before you get there. But even the cute blonde girls are a little repetitive.

In fact, Denmark wasn't even excitingly dull. You know when you go to a fairly boring, efficient country like Germany or Switzerland you can have a laugh at how punctual the trains are - those clockwork Swiss! those efficient Teutons! - well in Denmark the trains are only QUITE punctual: there isn't even a risible and amusing sense of the whole country being anally retentive to make up for the eye-watering dullness of everything else.

This is a shame, as the Danes themselves are a laugh. Friendly and slightly madcap. If a bit repressed at times. They come across as the people at a party who are standing in the corner and are just dying to have a dance, only they need one or two more drinks to get the courage.

Anyway. Rant over. Having said all the above, there were TWO interesting things in Denmark. One was the unexpected sense of racial tension in Copenhagen (whites against Muslims); the other was this Lego pirate, herein captured in a poor cellphone photo.

Skol!!



 Posted by Hello

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

so true!!! finally someone actually said it...

Anonymous said...

I live in Denmark and I find your comments completely and utterly true. It is the most boring country ever.

Anonymous said...

God damn it, buddy you discovered this very truth..

Anonymous said...

Islam is not a race. When will people learn to dissociate Islam with the practices of a particular culture?

Anonymous said...

You are absolutely right!

Anonymous said...

So is United Kingdom!

Anonymous said...

The uk is far from boring. It's certainly not flat.

Anonymous said...

100% accurate! Denmark is like a cultural and entertainment black hole. It's entirely devoid of anything to do of any reasonable note for adults. The androgynous natives are like state-owned robots, all holidaying within Denmark's gloomy confines. If what you're looking for is a country with 8 months of winter and 4 months of bad weather, then Denmark is the place for you! Just don't stockpile paracetamols at your house because there will surely come a day when it'll come back to haunt! A desperately dull place!

Vanilla Sky said...

I sold my flat that I had from my country (won't tell you which one but ask me if you are curious) and sacrificed many a thing to be with a Danish man I HAD loved (not sure how I feel now).

It has been 7 weeks since I arrived here in DK and freaking hell!!... I am bored! Shops closed early, the people are cold and unapproachable, the food sucks, it's dirty, people I meet seems insincere to be my friends.

It turned out that he is cheap and I think he is using me for the financial gains I received from my flat sale. He is a very nice loving guy but damn!... he is so cheap but he refer himself as being economical. I don't know whether to leave or stay. I am freaking miserable!! I want to be in London!!!

lars olesen said...

Damn,you hit the nail on the head. As soon as you enter this place you wanna fucking leave. Unless u r drunk or fucked on something.Is like: did I die and wake up in Boring-Dom? And the politicians.. whole shit,take some more prozac,u over educated wrong being shit hacks..Not to mention their sick urge to control everything. Damn,great that u said it!!

Anonymous said...

I wholeheartedly agree, this place is the most fucking place l have ever been.l got married to a Danish guy.l left my beautiful country in Australia to this fucking damn shithole.chills, boring,unfriendly and a language that gives me a headache

kareem kano said...

I gotta get the fuck back to Brooklyn, what a snore-fest.

Anonymous said...

Honestly thought it was just me...how reassuring that others can see this. Been here 15 years now, and I have to agree with every word...many great qualities, but ultimately boring as hell.shame really.

Anonymous said...

The above are all morons. And as for the U K. You don't have any mountains, you barely have hills and you deforested your country and plowed all your fields. So who are you to talk about Denmark being flat? And U K is boring, all you know how to do is go on pub crawls. Alcoholism is as bad in the U K as is in Germany.

Anonymous said...

I come from land of festivals.. Festival of light, color.. Land of snow clad mountains to green mountains to valley of flowers. Desert to beaches to white salt deserts.. And when I see Denmark I am like wtf..soo boring.. No natural beauty at all and boring night life as well.. People are so introvert

Anonymous said...

Why do I like Danemark.... because it is so boring and flat.... I can rest.. I can read.... great sales on wines.... people become friendly if you talk to them.... and the best looking staff of a 7/11 in the world... no uglies there... shallow am I.....
I like the cold wind when people fall off their bicycles... and the helmets fly a mile an hour to the wind...its so windy in the winter the electricity goes off....
The little movie houses... the dry cookies.. a bit too dry...... and yea I have to agree too much DFF/ dead fried fish.... menus are not varied..... they get excited for Pizza, introduced a few years ago to Danemark....
I like Danemark because it is boring.... my life is so busy.. this is a cocoon place....so Ok for me....
.........The light of day.... not enough of it.... sometimes only 3 hours of daylight.... nothing on TV.... read Tons of books.... best murder stories are from the Norway... Finland... Danemark.. Sweden...and Germany.....
Best thing to do..... walk the large dept stores and visit the mens department...... best looking guys ever!!! everything is very very expensive in Danemark........
kikib

Unknown said...

what are you on about? I guess Snowdonia and Ben Nevis are names of schools then!