Jesus, why is Denmark so Fucking Boring??!!

As regular blog-readers will know, last weekend I was in Legoland, in Denmark, interviewing the 'children of the SS'. This was a fascinating and absorbing project, with intriguing historical ramifications, and it's something I want to explore in a forthcoming blogpost. Until then I have just one pertinent question: Jesus, how fucking boring is Denmark!??

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but it's true. Denmark is arse-numbingly dull. It makes Belgium look like Brazil. Denmark is just flat, dull, flat, and dull, with little twee houses and stupid farms and boring windmills and freezing dull towns and tiny cars and bus stops everywhere and more fields and flat heaths and windmills and houses. Oh yes, they have open sandwiches, too. And 17,000 recipes for herring. But that really is it. Fuck me. I thought my elbows were going to drop off with the monotony.

This is a shame, as I rather wanted to like Denmark. A eurosceptic country with cute blonde girls - it sounds funky before you get there. But even the cute blonde girls are a little repetitive.

In fact, Denmark wasn't even excitingly dull. You know when you go to a fairly boring, efficient country like Germany or Switzerland you can have a laugh at how punctual the trains are - those clockwork Swiss! those efficient Teutons! - well in Denmark the trains are only QUITE punctual: there isn't even a risible and amusing sense of the whole country being anally retentive to make up for the eye-watering dullness of everything else.

This is a shame, as the Danes themselves are a laugh. Friendly and slightly madcap. If a bit repressed at times. They come across as the people at a party who are standing in the corner and are just dying to have a dance, only they need one or two more drinks to get the courage.

Anyway. Rant over. Having said all the above, there were TWO interesting things in Denmark. One was the unexpected sense of racial tension in Copenhagen (whites against Muslims); the other was this Lego pirate, herein captured in a poor cellphone photo.

Skol!!