Monday, April 11, 2005

Cheese-Eating Euro-Twats Strike Again

A man angrily discovering that his new iPod has had its volume capped by the European Union, yesterday.
[OK, it's me. But still. I am angry, as you can see. And I think I might have lost a bit of weight.]

The other day I went on the Tube, with my fairly new iPod Mini. Imagine my surprise and chagrin when I realised that I could not hear any music above the din of the rattly old Northern Line train. Was my iPod working properly? Was I finally going dead after years of Walkman abuse, Motorhead concerts, and generalised shouting in pubs?

No. The problem, as a swift bit of Googling told me, is that all European iPods have a 'volume cap', designed so that we don't damage our precious ears. This volume cap, my Googling also told me, was imposed by the British Standards Institute.

So yesterday, in a bit of a huff, I rang up the BSI and ranted at them, demanding the name of the nannying git of a bureaucrat who had decided to fuck with my iPodding without a bye-your-leave. Once the BSI press spokesperson had gotten over my cavalier use of the word 'git', he told me that the Standard actually came from CENELEC, the Comité Européen de Normalisation Electrotechnique. In Brussels.

This seemed to good to be true. So I rang up CENELEC and was informed, by a polite but bemused French PR woman, that yes, CENELEC had imposed this standard by a 'process of consensus'.

My dander up, I demanded the woman tell me the name of the person who first suggested this asinine bit of interfering bureauwank - because I wanted, obviously, to shout at this person in person.

The PR woman said she couldn't tell me. This didn't make sense: I thought I must have misheard. So I asked again. Again she replied 'she couldn't tell me whose idea it was', because 'that wasn't the European way'. In other words: poor humble members of the public like me aren't allowed to know who comes up with all these EU laws and regulations that impact on our daily lives.

At this point I denounced the CENELEC and all other European Institutions for being the inventions of the fucking devil, and repellently undemocratic to boot, and then I wished the good woman an 'au revoir'.

So there you have it. My life (and your life, if you have a European iPod) is very very slightly worse because of some silly, interfering and ridiculous European Standard, and we're not allowed to know whose fault this Standard is, because 'that's the European way'.

I think I might vote No in the European Constitution Referendum.

 Posted by Hello


Anonymous said...

It is indeed a sad moment when you find out that your beloved new toy 'doesn't work properly' in public, all thanks to the EU. The only place where I can hear it with 100% clarity is in the house!!!

The only track which seems to have transferred onto the ipod with a badass sound level is the title track from Duran Duran's covers album, Thank You. Not much of a life saver then...


piskey6 said...

fuck off you stupid cunt. what fucking basis of an argument exists when it's delivered by an i-pod wearing northern line london twat.

i haven't got an i-pod because i can't afford one.

so jealousy would be the main point of this post.

but it's unbridled and fairly 1917-esque. so it could do some damage. don't tell me the EU have a limit on pro-EU communist rage.

john b said...

Read "piskey" as "pikey" in the comment above, but that's neither here nor there.

Don't have any problems with the volume on my iPod, even on rush-hour Victoria line... oh, just realised I bought mine in Yankland. In that case, my only quibble is with your description of the Northern line - all the trains were built in the last 5 years. They do rattle like fuck, though.

David said...

Try the iPod Volume Booster. It worked like a dream on mine.

If you don't use Mac OS X, there's a link on the page to a PC version.

Anonymous said...

Hey dumb fuck:

Go get iPodLinux and see if that lets you play your fucking iPod at a higher level. You sound like a fucking wanker yourself for complaining about this. At least you have one you fucking piece of fucking shit!