At the end of last year I largely abandoned a novel I was writing. Since then I have commenced my memoirs (Millions of Women are Waiting to Meet You; Bloomsbury Books); I have also started a different novel; a better one, I hope.
But was I right to abandon the previous work? I think so. It was shite. But maybe I am wrong! Anyway I'm leaving it up to you to decide. Here is one chapter from it. Be warned, it is excessively rude - unsurprisingly, seeing as it describes a young nurse, Nina, having a threesome with two male friends.
Obscene Chapter from Abandoned Novel
Nina flattens her fingers on the pillowcase as Dorian slaps her bare bottom. He is obviously going to take her from behind. Her head pertly posed, she listens to him dropping his jeans: the tinkle of his belt buckle, the sloughing of shorts. Then there is an Australian grunt, and she feels him going inside her; sliding inside. At this, Nina sighs and accedes, and relaxes. At least he is hard this time; though still a little small.
Nina feels his hips against her buttocks. Nina wonders if he has drunk as much as her. At least the room isn’t spinning, just jerking backwards and forwards. A little dizzy, but pleased, Nina sinks her hot bare face onto the pillow, and feels again a bit dreamy. Somewhere back there Dorian is adjusting; there is a puasein the action then he takes her from a different angle. Examining her own fingers, Nina winces at her chipped vermillion nail varnish she hasn’t repainted for three days. And then those bitten nails. Maybe the chipped nail varnish is the reason the guy disappeared? Jon?
Nina stirs from her reverie. Dorian is making strange noises behind her. As he proprietorially slaps her buttocks he is saying words she can’t make out.
Nina turns her head right around, and looks up at him, skeptically.
She sees he has sweat over his face, oddly unattractive. His wide bare surfing Aussie chest looks nice, tho; would look nicer with hair. Nina sees that Dorian is not looking at Nina; he is staring down at himself: with utmost seriousness; parting the cheeks of her arse for a better view of his penetration. Like he is a downcast penitent. Then Nina feels the tell-tale juddering in Dorian’s thighs. So she says:
‘Please... Don’t come yet!?’
The room stops moving. Because Dorian has almost stopped thrusting. His face creases, he looks oddly pained, he says ‘Oh Nina...’; and then his pelvis jerks; and he half falls out of her. With a sigh Nina turns her head and stares at the opposite wall of Dorian’s flat. She can see: pennants for Aussie rules football teams, above a big stack of books on Pediatric Oncology. Behind Nina, Dorian is still busy: she can hear him swearing as he tries to shunt his penis back inside her. Like an autistic child in a petting farm, trying to feed a goat. Wrong!
Tender, coaxing, Nina reaches around and finds his semi-hard penis, which gets harder in her hands; blindly but deftly she guides him to the preferred place; and when he docks and slips inside she says:
‘I have to do all the work around here!’
Nina waits. But Dorian says nothing. Bhen she hears someone else laughing.
It’s the other guy: Andy. Nina turns and sees that he has swaggered out of the bathroom and he is saying:
He is very naked. And he has quite a big erect penis; bigger than Dorian’s anyway. Nina at once feels sorry for Dorian: having to compete. As Andy stalks from the bathroom; his erect penis awkwardly swinging from side to side, in front of him. A small child at a protestant Orange Order carrying its banner. Or something. Nina wonders why she gets these strange images in her head when she has sex. She strains to watch, inquisitively, as Andy comes around the front of the bed, by Nina’s head. there Andy stops and he cups Nina’s chin and tilts up her face; he makes a questioning expression; she thinks for a second and then she nods and so he shoves his cock right into her mouth.
He says, when he is inside.
Nina manages not to gag; instead she sucks. She tastes the new man in her life, the new man in her mouth; fragrant sourness of new soap; beer sweat maybe; Andy’s thicker penis feels like a very unknown kind of offal gingerly tasted on a French holiday. Nina tries to enjoy the sensation; she starts to enjoy it. But she can also feel Dorian doing his business behind her. Making her shake too much. Like he has something to prove by thrusting with extra vigour. So she reaches her chipped nail varnished fingers around, and subtly takes Andy half out of her mouth, because she is scared she is going to bite him.
‘You weren’t wrong mate..’
Says Andy, as he moves his penis in and out of her mouth once more. He is doing this in an aggressively questioning way; almost obliging Nina to swallow a greater length. Nina opens her lips and she yawns to gargle the penis and Andy says again:
‘She’ll be apples!’
Nina wonders what this means; she sucks dutifully, then slavishly; she hears Dorian speak in a srangulated way:
‘Mate. You should see what I’m seeing.. Get in that milking shed!’
Then Dorian spanks her bottom hard. Nina winces but feels she is nonetheless wetter down there. She wonders at the automaticity of her sexuality, of her orgasms. She thinks about breakfast with two men. Then:
‘What a bloody amazing arse!’
Says Andy and he laughs laddishly. But as he does this he starts stroking Nina’s face; caressing her face; almost secretly, as if he doesn’t want Dorian to see what he is doing. Nina squirms, as much as she can squirm she is kebabbed like this: by two men. Nina doesn’t want Andy to secretly caress her face. She doesn’t want any of that shit. That isn’t what this is all about. Nina needs this sex to be mechanical, to be as basic as possible; to be thunderously loveless; she wants these guys to treat her like a prize animal; slap her and fuck her. Fill her up, fill up the hole, fill the void. If they start getting loving and coy it will make it all embarrassing, scary and wrong; this is just a threesome, just a bit of fun, three mates having a laugh.
‘Fancy a swap?’
Says Andy. At this Nina jibes; she removes Andy’s cock from her mouth and says:
‘When you guys have quite finished...’
Says Dorian. Out of view. Andy says:
Then he adds:
‘Are you OK?
Nina laughs and sighs and says;
‘Yeah... but I’m not a deaf mute..’
At this there is a silence. Then Andy says:
‘So... ok then.... do you mind if we swap?’
Nina thinks. She looks at the fiery black solenoids of Andy’s pubic hair, which is all she can see at the moment. Then she says:
‘Go ahead, but I’m going to turn over..’
Andy chuckles at this. Then he moves away, and Nina senses Dorian also withdrawing; and then the two guys actually do it: they are actually changing ends. Nina feels a bit like a tennis court. Centre Court perhaps.
‘New balls please’
Nina says. And then she laughs; then she wonders why she said this; using a pins-and-needles-y elbow she turns on her back. Somewhere in the room the two guys are talking; Nina feels very drunk still, but more comfortable; she is staring at the ceiling now; thinking of Frida Kahlo for some reason. Then she feels someone holding her bare foot, lifting her foot up, kissing her ankle. Nina feels a roughish hand on her inner thighs, a penis or a thumb rub against her thighs and then oh-my-God she is full again, a lot fuller: it must be Andy, penetrating her, as he fingers her open. Yes. Nina frowns her eyes shut and she feels good. Yes. Yesyes. This is much better. But as Nina feels this she also feels something by her ear; head turned she notices that Dorian’s slightly smaller penis is at her side. Gently importuning. Like a small girl asking her sick mother for a biscuit.
Quickly Nina shakes this image from her head and she closes her eyes and she opens her mouth and she takes this other penis in her mouth; and so she sucks it, and the penis warms and grows in her mouth. Now the two men either end of her are really fucking her; truly using her; properly; as she wanted them to do. But of course she is using them too. This is how it was meant to be. No hassle, just basic rough sex, just hard lovely sex, just two blokes and a girl; chatting; being mates; yet naked and aggressive and exploitative. Which is good. Nina knows what she wants now: she wants the two men be winking at each other, to be gloating over her, their prize; she wants to be their prize, their best thing; a great and stolen work of art gloated over by Nazis; a rustled steer taken by the reivers of Scotland. Will ye no look at the haunches!
Says Andy. He is caressing her breast. Nina opens her eyes and takes Dorian’s cock out of her mouth for a second and she says:
‘I gotta say..
‘I gotta say...... Your tits are the best..’
Nina nods at this. Then she feels the rush of something; she smiles and stares at the ceiling and she says:
’Thankyou... from all of us..’
And again she feels a surge in herself; she starts to pant now; even though she wants not to pant, to yawn her excitement, to let them see they are winning. But she can’t help it.
She is definitely panting. She can hear the guys talking. She hears Andy say.
‘Is she OK?’
Nina closes her eyes. Her legs start to quiver. She heads Andy again:
‘Hey. Look at her thighs. Does that mean she’s coming?’
Is this how she comes?!’
‘So dyah think she’ll mind if I...’
Says Andy. Nina tries to mumble but she can’t; quickly she jerks Dorian’s cock back in her mouth and she tries to shrug at the same time; she feels very drunk; almost happy; she wonders if this is what it is: to be in love; with that she thinks, she hums, she moves, she lifts her pelvis up; presenting herself to Andy, for inspection, to be examined to be praised and adored and also abused; and then she opens her eyes and looks despairingly and angrily at the ceiling as she thinks of her own silly nakedness and then she sees that Andy really is winking at Dorian and then she feels the surge inside her again; the careenign motor car in her heart; the brakes gone; and Nina gulps at Dorian and then she sees Andy reaching over her body and she sees that he is shaking Andy’s hand above her.
A moment later Nina gives up.
‘Wow. You didn’t tell me she was a squirter!’