Thursday, July 28, 2005

The Hanky Panky School


I interviewed this woman a few months ago, in Amsterdam. She runs the world's only training academy for prostitutes. Here's what she said.



The Headmistress of Whore School

Q. When did you open the Hanky Panky School?
Q. I've been an Amsterdam escort for twenty years. A few years ago I became a madam, running a string of girls of my own. Over time I taught these girls all I knew about the business - then I noticed that these girls were going on to earn lots more money than their rivals. I'd obviously taught them pretty well. So last year I decided to open a proper academy for prostitutes: the Hanky Panky School.

Q. How many girls are enrolled at the Hanky Panky School?
A. Hundreds.... But they're not necessarily all here at the same time! They make appointments to do a course with me. Sometimes I teach in seminars, ometimes one-on-one, a kind of... tutorial, I guess.

Q. What do you actually teach in the lessons? Not much chemistry or physics, I
suppose?
A, No, not a lot...

Q. But lots of 'woodwork'? Fnarr fnarr?
A. Sorry?

Q. So how do these lessons function?
A. The courses total about six or eight hours, spread over as many weeks. In that ime I teach the girls.. basically....how to make the most money: I give 'em the tricks of the trade. For instance I teach the girls never to be too keen, always to lay it cool. A good hooker has to press the man's 'hunt button'. By this I mean she has to make the man feel like he's chasing her, that there's actually a chance he might not have her. That way he'll want her more, and pay more.

Q. What's that minibar doing over there, in the corner of the classroom?
A. As part of the course, I demonstrate how to use a hotel minibar to the hooker's advantage. I tell her she should turn up her nose at the minibar bubbly, be a little bit more demanding, ask for vintage champagne. That way she makes the man... slightly unsure. So he takes her out to an expensive dinner and the hours start clocking up, and then the fee goes up too. If a girl makes it too easy the guy gets bored and then it's over way too quick for both of them

Q. What kinds of pupils do you have?
A. All ages, sizes, and experiences. But they're usually between 18 and 35 years old. I had a woman in here who was 56, wanting to be a whore. Of course I had to... let her go. There are men who like much older women, but there aren't enough of them for a girl to make a proper living.

Q. So you get complete novices?
A. Yes. And a few.. graduates, wanting to do post graduate work! But mainly it’s new girls in their early twenties, wanting to get a good start in whoring.

Q. Do they get diplomas when they finish, do you have a degree ceremony?
A. No.. the diploma is the money they make. Girls who come out of here can make
£200,000 a year. You know, some of my clients have started to say they can immediately tell a 'Hanky Panky Girl', a girl from my school, because these girls are so professional, so well groomed and charming. Top quality hookers.

Q. Do you have any star pupils? Famous alumni?
A. Can't name names, of course, but yes some of my girls are the best in the business. You know, the most successful whores aren't staggeringly beautiful, just very pretty. A sweeter version of the girl next door. The most beautiful whores, the Russian girls for instance, they actually don't earn quite so much, because they are lazy, they rely on their looks..

Q. What about naughty pupils? Do you have detention?
A. No, there's no punishments as such.... Bad girls do flunk out. If I can't teach them I can't teach them. Some of the very young ones, 18, are a handful. Low self esteem, drug abuse, so on. If they touch drugs they're out - out of Hanky Panky School. Expelled!

Q. Is there a head girl? Someone really good at giving head?
A. No.

Q. What about fagging? Do you have fag whores?
A. Next question.

Q. In your books such as 'Escort Girl with Turbopower', you talk about some of the sex tips you teach your girls, the little tricks of the carnal trade. Do you mind giving us some of your advice on nookie? Some top erotic tips?
A. I'll do my best

Q. What's a good sexual position for giving your girl a quick orgasm?
A. Depends! Can be anything. My advice to men is to be confident, do what you want. You don't necessarily want to take too long over foreplay. I think there's too much emphasis on men spending hours on oral sex or whatever. Often what a girl wants is a man simply to pick her up and throw her over the desk, she wants him to be a bit of a barbarian. But of course she's too nice to ask! So my advice is just follow your own desires and that will turn her on. But if you really want a position specifically good for female orgasm I'd say sex-on-the-dishwasher is very effective.
Rinse cycle.

Q. How can a guy teach his girl to give him good head?
A. All men are different in this respect, some men like it quite rough, with a lot of powerful sucking, some other men like it incredibly gentle. The one thing you can say is that the woman should watch the man's expression, she should look in his eyes, see if he's having a good time. That's her guide. And if a woman has long hair its often good if she gently drapes the hair over the man's dick, that's highly arousing for many men.

Q. What are the most neglected parts of a man's body? The hidden erogenous
zones?
A. Nipples. Men's nipples are very neglected. A lot of men like to have their nipples nibbled. Especially the English. You English, you really like girls to twist your nipples right off! It's weird. And so many English guys are into spanking!

Q. That's a vile calumny. Are there any obscure erogenous zones on a woman we
should know about?
A. Yes: her body. Don't just go straight for the pussy, touch her everywhere, particularly on her face. Touch the face! Then head on down to the pussy.

Q. OK, back to spanking. How can a man introduce the idea of kinky sex. How can he get his girl to try something a little.... adventurous?
A. Tease her. That's the key. Every time you go to do something, do it, and then pull back. Kiss her, then suddenly stop kissing her. Penetrate for a short while, then stop. Confuse and tease her, and soon she'll be begging for more. A woman
who is really aroused, really begging for sex - she can be persuaded to try anything.


Q. OK, the girlfriend's come home in a strop after a hard day's work at the office. How can we interest her in a spot of horizontal jitterbug?
A. Pamper her, spend money on her. I often get into trouble for saying this, but... all women are hookers! By that I mean they all love to have money spent on them. So if your girl's a bit bored, try buying her a nice, expensive bottle of wine. Or just a bottle of wine. Being drunk always helps....

Q. Is there a foolproof way of detecting if an orgasm is faked?
A. Hmm... not really. The upper part of the chest often flushes during a female orgasm, that's quite hard to fake. But a really professional girl, like one of my girls, she can fake an orgasm so well even her doctor wouldn't know. It’s a very useful trick if you've got some client on top of you: huffing and puffing away...

Q. Now that we're back on the professional side of things, can you tell me if a whore ever orgasms? A.... close friend of mine claims that he once had a whore who actually climaxed. Seems unlikely. Is it?
A. No, it's not that unlikely. Believe it or not some whores really enjoy their work, and yes sometimes they do climax. Often it's with the guy you wouldn’t expect to be arousing. The older ones, I mean. The young, great-looking guys, they just lie on the bed with that 'hey I’m God' attitude, and you have to do all the work. But the older guys, they can be really expert, have really interesting techniques. And so yes sometimes you find you really are compatible in bed with a customer and you do have really great sex!

Q. You make whoring rather a good career move. £200,000 a year, plus perks?
A. I know. It sound weird. But it's true: whoring can be an interesting and lucrative career. However, before you can start really earning good money, you've got to be properly trained.

Q. You mean, you've got to enrol at the Hanky Panky School?
A. Exactly.

3 comments:

Eric S said...

I'd say "Is the school hiring teaching assistants?", but of course, that wouldn't be politically correct...

Anonymous said...

Hi Sean,

I am a researcher for a TV programme for Channel 5 and I came across your interview with Elene Vis the headmistress for the Hanky Panky School. Do you have her contact details (i.e. mobile number, e-mail) as we would like to contact her about the school.

Please let know either by e-mail on Amra.Sanamontri@endemoluk.com or on 0208-222-4898

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