Tuesday, October 04, 2005

The French: Some Second Thoughts

Look at this sour faced French cunt. I fucking hate the French. With their miserable little dogs and their stupid pouting faces and their horrible smelly toilets and their cheese that looks like an alien's number twos after a night on the Ricard, AND their fucking stupid metro systems and their ludicrous bread that you have to break to get in a bag and their noisome 'bidets' and their fucking arsey attitude and their determination to believe themselves a serious power in a world that regards them a sa joke and their frigging tolls on the motorway and their shrugs and their noxious politicians with aneurysms and their stupid fucking names like Jacques and Pierre and their idiotic berets and that waste of a summer day called 'boules' and their vain, preening, dreary, selfish, mean-spirited way of looking at everything and everyone and the way they cover up their national neurotic self doubt and secret self loathing by pretending to be superior and their utterly boring television and their dialect of a dying language and their fucking eclairs and croissants for breakfast when you want a proper breakfast and their dreadful hygiene and lazy arrogance and apathetic vileness and spiteful hatred of anything that makes them realise what a sad, bygone, pompous, dried-up, humourless, left-behind bunch of wine-sodden dwarf-heads they really are, and most of all I hate that stained, urinous, crappy, toilet-esque dump of a concrete shithouse that is Charles de Gaulle airport wherein my luggage from Madagascar is STILL languishing THREE DAYS after I got back due to a Parisian baggage handler's strike.


Anonymous said...

Now, now, dont be shy, tell the pack of syphilitic alphonse cuntbubbles what you REALLY think of them.:)

Old Peculier said...

A post that starts:

Look at this sour faced French cunt. I fucking hate the French.

has got to be good. And it gets better and better. You haven't mentioned their ridiculous accents - arguably, when in France they are entitled to speak in that silly way, but it's still stupid.

'Noisome bidets'? An Englishwoman made the mistake of marrying a Frenchman called something stupid like Jacques or Pierre. On honeymoon in their hotel room ensuite she was puzzled by the unfamiliar sight of a bidet, so she asked her loathsome cheese eating husband, 'What's that for? Is it to wash babies in?' to which the slimey wine soaked surrender monkey replied in a ridiculous accent, 'Mais non, eet eeees to wash babies out.'

Rory said...

Once when I was but an ignorant scallywag bairn, I took a shit in a bidet. Then I tried to flush it. It flooded the hotel bathroom with poo.
I have come to regard this trouncing of Anglo-Gallic relationships as somewhat akin to the actions of the colonial Empire - go somewhere shit, live in someone else's house, leave it even more full of shit, go home (losing bags on the way due to incompetence of gerard foreigner), have cup of tea.

Laban said...

You are wrong. General de Gaulle was a great man, whose 1930s books on armoured warfare inspired the Wehrmacht. He was the true architect of blitzkrieg.

He also refused to allow the UK into the EEC (as it then was) so he had our best interests at heart.

As for the bidet, it is a boon and a blessing to all. If it is placed correctly in the bathroom, one can sit on the loo with a touch of the 'toms' while simultaneously parking a tiger in the bidet.