Monday, December 03, 2007

News from Egypt

Me, my mate, and the city of the Aten, Tell al Amarna. Yes it really is that bleak.

The Doomed and Monotheistic Pharaoh Akhenaten.


Very recently I spent three weeks in sunny Egypt. Now I am back in England, but tomorrow I am off to Rome to interview schizophrenic goalkeepers. I'm not joking.

One day soon I will post more fully on my recent Egyptian experiences. But right now I just wanna say this. As I blog, King Tutankhamun is in the news, due to a huge new show of his funeral goods in London - and I think I have discovered something pretty amazing about his dad.

Tutankhamun's father, as any fule kno, was the crazy, weird-looking pharaoh Akhenaten, who introduced monotheism to Egypt (specifically, worship of the Aten, the universal sun god).

A few days back I actually went to the lost city of Akhenaten, Tell el Amarna, in the remote middle Nile. This city was built by Akhenaten for him and his beautiful but loopy wife Nefertiti.

Akhenaten was madder than a bag of tadpoles. He had several daughters and had sex with most of them, as documents attest. He then buried the daughters in their own tombs at the back of Tell el Amarna. I saw these desolate tombs for myself.

For many centuries people have wondered what happened to Akhenaten's mummy. It apparently disappeared and has never been found. His own tomb is empty.

But now I think I've worked it out.

Let's go through the facts we have about Akhenaten.

He liked building, he looked like a nutter, he had a mad wife he loved very much, he had sex with his daughters who he then buried in the back yard.

He reincarnated as Fred West!

That's my theory! I know it's shocking but I think if you look at the facts it's almost incontrovertible. Akhenaten disappeared because he reincarnated many centuries later as deranged Gloucestershire odd job man Fred West.

I intend to present a paper on this to the British Musuem when I return.

Salaam aleikum.

Homicidal Gloucestershire handyman Fred West.

1 comment:

David W said...

Gosh! The answer has been staring at us all of these years and you're the first to make the connection. Well done :-)